Relationships, Part 22: The Thing in Itself

I have an object in my office, nailed to the wall, it looks like this:   “What is this object?” I ask. Most people would say it’s a fly. “OK, why do I have a fly nailed to my wall?” “It must be a joke,” most say. “Fly on the Wall, get it?” “Is itContinue reading “Relationships, Part 22: The Thing in Itself”

The Shrink’s Links: Video Explaining Projection

Bringing you the best of mental health and relationship articles on the internet. Today’s link from the shrink is: If you read my last posts in the relationship series, attempting to explain projection and projective identification, and are still confused, then maybe this will help. Click here to go to the link

Relationships, Part 17: Sexual Boredom

If there ever was a good place for wantonness, it would be in marriage, yet I hear time and time again about how boring marital sex can be. You’re supposed to be able to be yourself with your partner and free to take risks to try something new. He’s in bed with you when youContinue reading “Relationships, Part 17: Sexual Boredom”

Relationships, Part 16: Desire and Power

Whomever has more desire has less power. This is the case no matter what you desire. If you go to a used car lot and find a car you desire, the moment you communicate that desire to the salesman, the price goes up. Whoever holds the object of desire gets to set the terms. WeContinue reading “Relationships, Part 16: Desire and Power”

Relationships, Part 15: When you Need Your Space, the Hat Method

Some days, you just need your space. The trouble is, your partner is there, too, and if you try to get some space, they may take it personally. You don’t want to get into a long discussion over why you need your space when you need your space. It may not be good to getContinue reading “Relationships, Part 15: When you Need Your Space, the Hat Method”

Relationships, Part 14: How Do You Respond to Bids for Attention?

1. Negative response “You want to go out to dinner tonight?” “I wouldn’t go out with you if you were the last man on earth.” It might discourage him from ever asking again. 2. Accusatory response “You want to go out to dinner tonight?” “You can’t make it up to me that easy.” Maybe not,Continue reading “Relationships, Part 14: How Do You Respond to Bids for Attention?”

Relationships, Part 13: The Dance of Relationship: A Guide to the Positions

When we think about love, we may picture something like this: This position is called Turning Towards. You’re facing each other and paying attention to no one but each other. You may be touching. You might believe this is the most desirable of the positions, but it’s very intense. It’s hard to do anything elseContinue reading “Relationships, Part 13: The Dance of Relationship: A Guide to the Positions”

Relationships, Part 12: Heads on Pillows

Here’s another exercise that can improve your relationship. It’s called Heads on Pillows. Set a timer for five minutes. Lie down with your partner, clothes on, side by side, facing each other. Put your heads on pillows. If your partner has one eye, you’re too close. Don’t speak, stroke, or grope. Try not to makeContinue reading “Relationships, Part 12: Heads on Pillows”

Relationships, Part 11: How to build admiration

You began your relationship admiring each other. Now, you might take her for granted. You might’ve forgotten what you ever saw in him. If this is the case, then take thirty days to reinvigorate your relationship with this simple, two step process. This is what you do: Every day, find one new thing to appreciateContinue reading “Relationships, Part 11: How to build admiration”

Relationships, Part 10: There is always natural variation within any couple

Take any two people and there will always be a natural variation between them regarding any characteristic. There will always be one who is more strict with the kids, open to in-laws, careful with money, adventurous in bed, ambitious about career, social, self confident, flirty, interested in a clean house, closer to family, better atContinue reading “Relationships, Part 10: There is always natural variation within any couple”