No matter how much you love your loved one, you also hate him; no matter how much you depend on him, you can’t completely trust him. This, surprisingly, turns out to be a good thing; not a confusing, frustrating thing, as you might suppose. Continue reading →
Some days, you just need your space. The trouble is, your partner is there, too, and if you try to get some space, they may take it personally. You don’t want to get into a long discussion over why you need your space when you need your space. It may not be good to getContinue reading “When You Need Your Space”
I’ll be teaching a 2 hour webinar for therapists at 9 am, Eastern Time next Friday, 1/17/2020, on goodtherapy.org. Two continuing ed hours will be provided by GoodTherapy for attending this web conference in its entirety. If you cannot participate live, you’ll be able to view it from the Goodtherapy archives. Every client who comesContinue reading “Helping Therapy Clients in Difficult Relationships Find Peace”
If you read the last post in this series and thought projections were tricky, wait till you see what I’ve got for you now. You are ready to explore projective identification. It works like this. Someone projects a quality on to you and, even though the quality does not describe you well, you go withContinue reading “Projective Identification”
Here’s an obvious truth: when you first meet someone, you don’t know them. Even when you’ve met a dozen times, you still don’t know them. Oh, you pick up a few things, many of them subliminally; but most of what you think you know, you’ve projected on to them.
Of all the feelings, love is perhaps the most complicated and the least likely to be summarized in a single blog post. Therefore, I’m not even going to try. What I will do, however, is show you the difference between true love and narcissism.
You’ve seen Disney’s version of the Beauty and the Beast. If you’ve had a toddler, you’ve seen it a thousand times. Did you know that you may be acting it out in your own life? Do you realize it might be ruining everything? You know the story: a charming young woman falls in love withContinue reading “The Beauty and the Beast”
For centuries, men have been putting women, and women have been putting themselves, into two categories, the Madonnas and the Whores. Consequently, they either get sex without love, or love without sex. The Madonna is serious, pure, virginal, loving, forgiving, safe, and supportive. She washes the man’s socks. She raises his children. He can leaveContinue reading “The Madonna and the Whore”
Take any two people and there will always be a natural variation between them regarding any characteristic. There will always be one who is more strict with the kids, open to in-laws, careful with money, adventurous in bed, ambitious about career, social, self-confident, flirty, interested in a clean house, closer to family, better at math,Continue reading “Natural Variations”
Travis and Suzanne entered my office, sat down at opposite sides of the room, and immediately began to speak at once, competing for airtime. Travis was addicted to cocaine, Suzanne his long-suffering wife. The last time Travis used cocaine had been eight months ago; but at that point he had been repeatedly leading the familyContinue reading “A Reconciliation Case Study”