As if it wasn’t hard enough to deal with the people who hurt you, you also have to deal with their representatives you carry around in your head. Actual people you can divorce, send to jail, move across the country and never see again; the people of the mind follow you, they share your bedContinue reading “The People of the Mind”
Once you’re in a relationship with someone, you’ll always be in a relationship with that person. It’s like the Hotel California, you can never leave. I don’t care if you never speak to her again, if you move to the other side of the world, and put up a dartboard with her face on it;Continue reading “The Re-Negotiated Relationship”
When you escape the madness that your relationship has become, whether you are gone for the rest of your life or for twenty minutes, you have an opportunity to do something that can set the course of your life from that point on. You can calibrate your moral compass.
Look at the shoes you’re wearing. Your two shoes go together, they match. No one can say that they don’t. Even if you lose one and leave it behind in the road, they are still a pair of shoes. Now tie them together, one to the other. Go ahead. Now try to walk. You’ll beContinue reading “Getting Closer by Separation”
Every Problematic situation needs an escape plan. Escapes that are not planned tend to go awry, so plot your exit strategy beforehand. These are the elements of an escape plan to consider when a loved one has hurt you. What would trigger the escape? The most important part of any exit strategy is figuring outContinue reading “The Escape Plan Checklist”
If a grizzly bear wandered into your home while you were asleep, slipped into bed beside you, and woke you up with its hot breath in your face, what would you do? I think you would plan your escape.
Not everyone makes it all the way to reconciliation. You can’t get there alone. If your partner has not done his part, you’ll have to settle for Personal Peace. Personal Peace is nice; but, because it’s personal, you can’t share it. If you have done your part to arrive at reconciliation, you’ve already experienced muchContinue reading “When Reconciliation is Impossible: Settling for Personal Peace”
Stand with your feet comfortably together. Take one foot and stick it out in the direction you want to go until you throw yourself off balance. Then, at the last instant, when you’re about to fall on your face, bring the other foot forward to stop yourself from falling. Repeat this dangerous operation as longContinue reading “Learn to Walk”
Let’s face it, it is a whole lot easier to acquire a Problem than it is to get help in eradicating it. In many localities, there are drug dealers at every corner, but to get your loved one to a clinic, takes two buses. Intake coordinators will make him wait in a room with oldContinue reading “If You Can’t Find Help”
When a Problem takes over a relationship and hurts people, the people in the relationship disappear and the needs of the Problem consume everything. If you’re the person with the Problem, your job is to recover and get your self back. If you’re the other person, your job is to recognize the problematic portion ofContinue reading “Get Help to Defeat the Problem”