December 2016 – Keith Wilson

Regaining Trust

Two people go to the bank. One has a good credit score, the other a bad one. One is clearly more creditworthy, or trustworthy, than the other, based on past behavior. One paid his loans on time, the other sometimes defaulted. These two see the same banker and ask her for a loan. You mayContinue reading “Regaining Trust”

Season’s Greetings from that Shrink With All the Links

What’s the Difference Between Responsibility and Blame?

Not everything is your fault. In fact, most things are not your fault; you had nothing to do with them. You didn’t ask to be born to these people or at this time or this place, at least so far as we know. You didn’t invent the language you speak. You didn’t have a choiceContinue reading “What’s the Difference Between Responsibility and Blame?”

You Don’t Have to Feel Bad to be a Good Person

Bringing you the best of mental health every week. Almost everything I know about shame and guilt, I have learned from making mistakes. Lots and lots of mistakes. Everything else, I learned from my clients. But the way I’ve made any sense of it all has been from the work of June Tangney, professor ofContinue reading “You Don’t Have to Feel Bad to be a Good Person”

How to Influence the Clueless

Bringing you the best of mental health every week. I got Clueless 101: A Life Manual for for Millennials to review and was thinking of re-gifting it to a millennial as a graduation present. It’s replete with visual aides and jam packed with helpful practical advice on everything from leasing an apartment to charting aContinue reading “How to Influence the Clueless”

Your Feelings are Your Feelings

What does it mean to cross the watershed and identify yourself as both offender and victim? It means that you go through the same process of guilt, acknowledgement of shortcomings, restitution, and reconciliation as the person who hurt you.

When You Arrive at a Watershed Moment, Cross It

We’re at a watershed moment on the Road to Reconciliation. It’s a crucial juncture where you go from thinking you’re just a victim to knowing that you’re a perpetrator, at least a partial perpetrator. You can admit you’ve victimized others, including the one who hurt you. It’s the moment you get real. It’s when youContinue reading “When You Arrive at a Watershed Moment, Cross It”