The Critic in Disguise

Chapter 6c of Meeting the Voices in My Head and Searching for an Inner Adult An Inner Critic will sometimes disguise itself as someone else to give more authority to the things it says. That happened to me once at the grocery store. I was happily browsing in the coffee aisle when a woman cameContinue reading “The Critic in Disguise”

Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty

Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty about something you’ve done. Even if what you did was not wrong, even if it was justified and every court in the land would agree; if you feel guilty, then OK, go ahead and accept it. Guilt is a guide. You can’t travel in aContinue reading “Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty”

Admit the Exact Nature of the Wrong

Now I’m going to talk about an essential part of the process of going from wrong to reconciliation, a part that many people, incredibly, try to pass over. What is this indispensable but neglected component? Identifying what you did wrong. People often want to pass right over this part to get to forgiveness, to argueContinue reading “Admit the Exact Nature of the Wrong”

Guilt and Shame: Good and Bad Ways to Feel Bad

As soon as you see how you are responsible for trouble, you are met by two emotions who offer to be your guide: guilt and shame. Which one should you go with? Is there a difference between the two? It’s easy to confuse guilt with shame. People refer to them interchangeably, like twins who areContinue reading “Guilt and Shame: Good and Bad Ways to Feel Bad”

When You Arrive at a Watershed Moment, Cross It

We’re at a watershed moment on the Road to Reconciliation. It’s a crucial juncture where you go from thinking you’re just a victim to knowing that you’re a perpetrator, at least a partial perpetrator. You can admit you’ve victimized others, including the one who hurt you. It’s the moment you get real. It’s when youContinue reading “When You Arrive at a Watershed Moment, Cross It”