All too many people apologize and promise to change, but fail to follow it up. Not only do they fail to fulfill their promises, but they even fail to notice whether they’ve fulfilled them or not.
Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty about something you’ve done. Even if what you did was not wrong, even if it was justified and every court in the land would agree; if you feel guilty, then OK, go ahead and accept it. Guilt is a guide. You can’t travel in aContinue reading “Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty”
Once you have written your statement of responsibility, you’re ready for the next step: imagining the effects of your actions.
Now I’m going to talk about an essential part of the process of going from wrong to reconciliation, a part that many people, incredibly, try to pass over. What is this indispensable but neglected component? Identifying what you did wrong. People often want to pass right over this part to get to forgiveness, to argueContinue reading “Admit the Exact Nature of the Wrong”
Everyone’s got a closet where they put whatever they don’t want people to see. There’s good and bad stuff in the closet. There’s things you’re ashamed of. Memories of what you’ve done, words you’ve said, people you’ve hurt. You cram that closet full. It gets to be that you can’t even open the door toContinue reading “Cleaning the Closet”
You’ve done something wrong. You’ve not been as good as you could be. You hurt someone you love, someone who deserves better from you. This person might be a parent, a sibling, a child, a friend, a partner, or a spouse. Whoever it is; where you were once trustworthy, you’re now unreliable. You were close,Continue reading “How to Ditch Shame”
As soon as you see how you are responsible for trouble, you are met by two emotions who offer to be your guide: guilt and shame. Which one should you go with? Is there a difference between the two? It’s easy to confuse guilt with shame. People refer to them interchangeably, like twins who areContinue reading “Guilt and Shame: Good and Bad Ways to Feel Bad”
We’re at a watershed moment on the Road to Reconciliation. It’s a crucial juncture where you go from thinking you’re just a victim to knowing that you’re a perpetrator, at least a partial perpetrator. You can admit you’ve victimized others, including the one who hurt you. It’s the moment you get real. It’s when youContinue reading “When You Arrive at a Watershed Moment, Cross It”