Shame

The Critic in Disguise

Chapter 6c of Meeting the Voices in My Head and Searching for an Inner Adult An Inner Critic will sometimes disguise itself as someone else to give more authority to the things it says. That happened to me once at the grocery store. I was happily browsing in the coffee aisle when a woman cameContinue reading “The Critic in Disguise”

Chapter 6a of Meeting the Voices in My Head and Searching for an Inner Adult The other night, I walked into Starbucks, placed an order, and, when I reached for my wallet, discovered I forgot not only my wallet but also my pants. Fortunately, this was only a dream, but I didn’t know it atContinue reading “Shame”

Shame

We have no emotion that’s not useful in some way. Everything is there for a purpose, even an emotion that undermines its purpose. I’m talking about shame. Its purpose seems to be to help us fit in with others. Shame, and its milder version, embarrassment, comes up when you violate a social norm which mightContinue reading “Shame”

The Table

Continuing my series on objects in my office, today I’d like to write about the table I keep my computer on. This table probably never thought it would bear a computer in a therapist’s office and be used to write such high-falutin stuff as this. It began its life as the kitchen table of myContinue reading “The Table”

Guilt and Shame: Good and Bad Ways to Feel Bad

As soon as you see how you are responsible for trouble, you are met by two emotions who offer to be your guide: guilt and shame. Which one should you go with? Is there a difference between the two? It’s easy to confuse guilt with shame. People refer to them interchangeably, like twins who areContinue reading “Guilt and Shame: Good and Bad Ways to Feel Bad”

When You Arrive at a Watershed Moment, Cross It

We’re at a watershed moment on the Road to Reconciliation. It’s a crucial juncture where you go from thinking you’re just a victim to knowing that you’re a perpetrator, at least a partial perpetrator. You can admit you’ve victimized others, including the one who hurt you. It’s the moment you get real. It’s when youContinue reading “When You Arrive at a Watershed Moment, Cross It”