Relationships, Part 11: How to build admiration

admirationYou began your relationship admiring each other. Now, you might take her for granted. You might’ve forgotten what you ever saw in him. If this is the case, then take thirty days to reinvigorate your relationship with this simple, two step process. This is what you do:

  1. Every day, find one new thing to appreciate or admire about your partner.
  2. Say it aloud to him or her.

This should be relatively easy in the beginning, but it’ll get harder as the month goes on. You can’t repeat anything, remember. You’ll have to dig deep.

Let me give you a hint about how to find things to say. Take all the criticisms you make and turn them around. You think he’s a pig? Well, at least he’s not hung up on appearances. Is she a workaholic? You can’t say she’s not ambitious.

If this seems too disingenuous, then try this method. Know your partner’s life story. What did she have to to overcome to get where she is today? Some things may be easy for you because they were made easy for you. Take heed of the current struggles he has in his life on a daily basis. Take note, understand, and acknowledge.

Remember what first attracted you to your partner. Something made your heart beat strong. You may not think it’s special now because it’s around all the time, but look for it and you’ll see it again.

By having to come up with a new thing to appreciate and admire every day, you begin a habit of looking for positive qualities. You tune into her goodness, rather than your frustration.

As you verbalize to your partner the good qualities you find, he begins to treat you better. You start rewarding the positive characteristics. Sugar catches more than vinegar. Put out some sugar.

Click here to go to the entire Relationships series.

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Published by Keith R Wilson

I'm a licensed mental health counselor and certified alcohol and substance abuse counselor in private practice with more than 30 years experience. My newest book is The Road to Reconciliation: A Comprehensive Guide to Peace When Relationships Go Bad. I recently published a workbook connected to it titled, How to Make an Apology You’ll Never Have to Make Again. I also have another self help book, Constructive Conflict: Building Something Good Out of All Those Arguments. I’ve also published two novels, a satire of the mental health field: Fate’s Janitors: Mopping Up Madness at a Mental Health Clinic, and Intersections , which takes readers on a road trip with a suicidal therapist. If you prefer your reading in easily digestible bits, with or without with pictures, I have created a Twitter account @theshrinkslinks. MyFacebook page is called Keith R Wilson – Author.

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