Projective Identification

If you read the last post in this series and thought projections were tricky, wait till you see what I’ve got for you now. You are ready to explore projective identification. It works like this. Someone projects a quality on to you and, even though the quality does not describe you well, you go withContinue reading “Projective Identification”

The Beauty and the Beast

You’ve seen Disney’s version of the Beauty and the Beast. If you’ve had a toddler, you’ve seen it a thousand times. Did you know that you may be acting it out in your own life? Do you realize it might be ruining everything? You know the story: a charming young woman falls in love withContinue reading “The Beauty and the Beast”

The Madonna and the Whore

For centuries, men have been putting women, and women have been putting themselves, into two categories, the Madonnas and the Whores. Consequently, they either get sex without love, or love without sex. The Madonna is serious, pure, virginal, loving, forgiving, safe, and supportive. She washes the man’s socks. She raises his children. He can leaveContinue reading “The Madonna and the Whore”

Research on How to Make an Effective Apology

I didn’t see this research until after I completed my book, The Road to Reconciliation, so I couldn’t include it; but I’m happy to report that the findings support what I said about how to make and screw up an apology. Most people screw them up. In Apologies of the Rich and Famous: Cultural, Cognitive,Continue reading “Research on How to Make an Effective Apology”

Announcement: The Road to Reconciliation is Available

After at least two-and-a-half years since I started it, my book, The Road to Reconciliation: A Comprehensive Guide to Peace When Relationships Go Bad, is available in paperback and on Kindle. Now comes the part I hate: pitching it and talking about it at a time when I am ready to go on to otherContinue reading “Announcement: The Road to Reconciliation is Available”

How The Art of War Can Help Your Marriage

The Art of War, that classic work of Chinese literature, written in from the 5th century BC and attributed to the ancient Chinese military strategist Sun Tzu, is packed with good advice on marriage, although marriage is never once mentioned. It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils of war that canContinue reading “How The Art of War Can Help Your Marriage”

The Road to Reconciliation: Calibrate your Compass

Take a perfectly functional compass and put it in a room with an electromagnet and it will forget which way is north. It’ll point to the magnet because the magnet is exerting a force that it cannot ignore, far more powerful than that exercised by the distant, measly north pole. When a problem enters aContinue reading “The Road to Reconciliation: Calibrate your Compass”

The Shrink’s Links: 75 Ways To Add Variety

Bringing you the best of mental health every week. Many couples say that, after a few years, it’s easy to get in a rut with your partner, sex-wise. You think you know each other, backwards and forwards, and have tried everything. Chances are, you’re wrong. There’s something you haven’t thought of. Or, maybe you haveContinue reading “The Shrink’s Links: 75 Ways To Add Variety”

The Road to Reconciliation: Commit to Values

Once you get in touch with your feelings and allow them to speak to you, they can point you to what is important. They’ll remind you of aspirations you’ve had since you were small. They’ll indicate the direction towards life satisfaction. They’ll give instructions for a meaningful life. To the extent you’ve been victimized, yourContinue reading “The Road to Reconciliation: Commit to Values”