Nine Kinds of Madness and the Hole in the Middle of it All

In the middle of everything, there’s this deep, dark, depressing hole. It’s a chasm, really, and when you fall in, sometimes there’s no climbing out. When we call it anything at all, we often call it death, brokenness, or despair. I like to call it the abyss, or, more familiarly, the hole or the pit.Continue reading “Nine Kinds of Madness and the Hole in the Middle of it All”

Walk the Dog and Understand How your Minds Work

(Image/Pigsals) If you’ve ever watched a person walk a dog, you’ve seen a good illustration of your mind at work. You have two minds: one is like the dog, the other like the dog walker. If you’ve ever watched a person walk a dog, you’ve seen a good illustration of your mind at work. YouContinue reading “Walk the Dog and Understand How your Minds Work”

Marriage Rights for Singles

We live in remarkable times. For decades, heterosexuals have been fleeing the institution of marriage; first, by divorcing in great numbers, then, by living together outside of marriage and by delaying it to later in life. At the same time, homosexuals have won the right to marry. They understand the benefits of committing yourself toContinue reading “Marriage Rights for Singles”

What Color are Your Glasses?

You know what rose colored glasses are, right? People who are said to be wearing rose colored glasses are said to be seeing the world as only pleasant and happy. We scoff at people wearing rose colored glasses. They are naive, sanguine, and overly optimistic. But glasses come in all colors. They all distort yourContinue reading “What Color are Your Glasses?”

Cook the Negativity

You learn a lot quicker from negative experiences than you do from positive ones. The stick is more damaging than the carrot is enticing. There’s a good reason for that. If you get whacked hard enough by the stick, it won’t matter how many carrots you have. But the result is that you will continuouslyContinue reading “Cook the Negativity”

You Can’t Stop Thoughts from Knocking at the Door, but You Don’t Have to Answer

Every day I work as a shrink I hear someone say the same thing, “I wish I could stop my thoughts.” They’re talking about intrusive thoughts. The kind of thought you wish you didn’t have. I wish they didn’t have these thoughts. These are usually destructive thoughts, thoughts of drinking, drug use, gambling, violence, worries,Continue reading “You Can’t Stop Thoughts from Knocking at the Door, but You Don’t Have to Answer”

Projective Identification

If you read the last post in this series and thought projections were tricky, wait till you see what I’ve got for you now. You are ready to explore projective identification. It works like this. Someone projects a quality on to you and, even though the quality does not describe you well, you go withContinue reading “Projective Identification”