Here’s another object in my office I want to tell you about. It’s a Talking Stick. No, the stick doesn’t talk. You do when you hold it. The concept of the Talking Stick comes, I’ve been told, from an old Native American tradition. When the elders gathered in a teepee to talk about important matters,Continue reading “The Talking Stick”
I have an object in my office, nailed to the wall, it looks like this: “What is this object?” I ask. Most people would say it’s a fly. “OK, why do I have a fly nailed to my wall?” “It must be a joke,” most say. “Fly on the Wall, get it?” “Is it reallyContinue reading “The Fly”
British psychoanalyst, Adam Phillips, must have had enough of writing about life as we actually live it. He’s the author of On Kissing, Tickling and Being Bored; Flirtation, etc. Now, he’s come out with a book that explores the life we have not lived, the effect of what we believe could’ve been. In the processContinue reading “Missing Out”
There are the four factors that contribute to an addiction. Chemistry, habit, emotion, and idolatry. Any response to addiction that does not take all four into account is going to fail.
Sometimes people have trouble grasping what it means to let go. If that’s the case, I have metaphors. Lots of metaphors. Here’s another one. Letting go is as simple as breathing; exhaling, to be precise. The entire breathing cycle can be seen as a metaphor of relationships. You start off in need. You have desires.Continue reading “What Breathing Can Teach Us About Relationships”
When we think about love, we may picture something like this #1. This position is called Turning Towards. You’re facing each other, open to each other, and paying attention to no one but each other. You may be touching. You might believe this is the most desirable of the positions, but it’s very intense.Continue reading “The Dance of Relationship: A Guide to the Positions”
Some days, you just need your space. The trouble is, your partner is there, too, and if you try to get some space, they may take it personally. You don’t want to get into a long discussion over why you need your space when you need your space. It may not be good to getContinue reading “When You Need Your Space”
When you meet someone for the first time, you’re generally on your best behavior. You’ll present the most polite, least objectionable version of yourself that you can come up with. This is called the public face, the mask, or the persona. Most of us cultivate this persona as carefully as we edit our Facebook page.Continue reading “Peeling the Onion”
So, you’re anxious. It happens. There are basically two things to do with anxiety. You can face it or avoid it. Avoiding it is often the sensible thing to do if it’s a thing you are not likely to encounter very often; like snakes, for instance. I’m afraid of snakes. If I got a jobContinue reading “Grounding”
There aren’t many mental illnesses that therapists are accused of creating, but dissociative identity disorder, or multiple personality disorder, as it officially used to be known, is one of them.