The Shrink’s Links: Car Talk

I was grieved to have learned that Tom Magliozzi, the co-host of Car Talk, recently died. I remember him for his marital advice, as much as I do for what he taught me about cars. Here’s a bit of his wisdom: I have my own law of marriage. It is more important to be happyContinue reading “The Shrink’s Links: Car Talk”

The Shrink’s Links: Mating in Captivity

Bringing you the best of mental health every week. Mating in Captivity A few weeks ago, I brought you her Ted Talk, which I had first discovered. I was so taken by the hypothesis she presented that I went out and bought her book, Mating in Captivity. I was not disappointed. Why does sexual desireContinue reading “The Shrink’s Links: Mating in Captivity”

The Shrink’s Links: The Secret to Desire in Long Term Relationships

Bringing you the best of mental health and relationship articles on the internet. Today’s link from the shrink is: The Secret to Desire in Long Term Relationships In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on twoContinue reading “The Shrink’s Links: The Secret to Desire in Long Term Relationships”

Relationships, Part 29: Collusion versus Collaboration

Not all associations are collaborative. Some associations have no shared goals. Others form a collusion. Collaboration involves working together for mutual benefit; collusion permits people to escape their responsibilities and avoid difficult issues. One party agrees to look the other way in exchange for the other doing the same. The wife who fakes orgasm soContinue reading “Relationships, Part 29: Collusion versus Collaboration”

Relationships, Part 28: Collaboration

We could accomplish so much more together than we ever can individually, but often we don’t. Alliances fall apart. At the heart of every productive human connection is collaboration: an implicit or explicit agreement to cooperate with one another and work towards shared goals. Collaboration is found in all human relationships: sports teams, work groups,Continue reading “Relationships, Part 28: Collaboration”

Relationships, Part 27: Open to Influence

What do you suppose is the most common factor influencing divorce? Infidelity? Poor communication? Abuse? Irreconcilable differences? Lack of commitment? These are the reasons most often given by divorced couples. Marrying early in life? Living together before marriage? Premarital pregnancy? Having no religion? Coming from a divorced household? These are the demographic factors that predictContinue reading “Relationships, Part 27: Open to Influence”

Relationships, Part 26: Positive or Negative Sentiment Override

If you dislike someone, the way they hold their fork may make you furious. If you like them, they can turn their plate over in your lap and you’ll overlook it. Happy couples are a little bit brainwashed about their partners. They admire each other, even if there’s little to admire. They love how theyContinue reading “Relationships, Part 26: Positive or Negative Sentiment Override”

Relationships, Part 25, Twenty to One

If you thought the key test that I told you about in the last post in this series was too simple, you’ll like this better. Get two counters. You know, the kind you put in your pocket and click. Set them to zero and put one in each pocket. Now see how you interact withContinue reading “Relationships, Part 25, Twenty to One”

Relationships, Part 24: The Key Test

Sometimes it’s hard to know how you feel about your partner. Feelings are complicated, especially in how they pertain to intimate relationships. Summarizing how you feel is sometimes like taking a bucket out of the Atlantic Ocean and saying, here, this is what the ocean is like. A bucket of water is not what theContinue reading “Relationships, Part 24: The Key Test”

Relationships, Part 23: Feeling While Touching

Here’s another exercise that can improve your relationship. It’ll clear out all those labels and stories you’ve attached to your partner and help you see him or her as they are. It’s called Feeling While Touching. 1.      Get within arm’s reach of your partner. 2.      One person should go at a time. One person initiatingContinue reading “Relationships, Part 23: Feeling While Touching”