Relationships, Part 29: Collusion versus Collaboration

Not all associations are collaborative. Some associations have no shared goals. Others form a collusion. Collaboration involves working together for mutual benefit; collusion permits people to escape their responsibilities and avoid difficult issues. One party agrees to look the other way in exchange for the other doing the same.
The wife who fakes orgasm so that her husband will believe he’s a great lover, is in collusion.
The husband who signals to not bring up certain things at the dinner table with his mother, is in collusion.
The wife who calls in sick for her husband when he’s hung over, is in collusion.
The husband who doesn’t say anything about his wife’s affair because she might say something about his, is in collusion.
The mother who permits her husband to molest her daughter, rather than break up her home, is in collusion.
A Bishop who transfers a pedophile priest, rather that insist he get treatment and take responsibility for the harm he caused, is in collusion.
Collusions appeal to the worst in people, rather than bring out the best.
Asking someone to overlook your shortcomings, while overlooking theirs, is collusion.
In collusion, I stroke your ego and you stroke mine.
At the heart of every collusion, is a secret, something we don’t want to get out. Something we don’t want to confront, because, if we confront it, everything just might get better.
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