Favorite Quotes: Life is a Journey

journey-300x201
Birth is a beginning
and death a destination;
But life is a journey.

A going, a growing
from stage to stage:
From childhood to maturity
and youth to old age.
From innocence to awareness
and ignorance to knowing;
From foolishness to discretion
and then perhaps, to wisdom.
From weakness to strength 
or strength to weakness
and often back again.
From health to sickness
and back we pray, to health again.
From offense to forgiveness,
from loneliness to love,
From joy to gratitude,
from pain to compassion.
From grief to understanding,
from fear to faith;
From defeat to defeat to defeat,
until, looking backward or ahead:
We see that victory lies not
at some high place along the way, 
But in having made the journey, 
stage by stage,a sacred pilgrimage.

Birth is a beginning
and death a destination;
But life is a journey,
a sacred pilgrimage, 
Made stage by stage...

- Alvin Fine

I can’t say it better than Rabbi Alvin Fine (1916-1999). Happy New Year, Rabbi.

 

 

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The Shrink’s Links: The Healthy Nutritionist

Bringing you the best of mental health and relationship articles on the internet.

Links

Today’s link from the shrink is:

The Healthy Nutritionist

This is the website of my friend, Lora Downie, a Certified Health and Nutrition Coach, here in the Rochester area. She can teach you how to eat right, she can come to your house and help you cook, and if you can’t do that, she can be your personal chief. I’ve eaten her food. It is gooood, and you don’t have to feel guilty eating it.

Clink here to go to the Healthy Nutritionalist website.

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The Shrink’s Links: Experimental Theology

Bringing you the best of mental health and relationship articles on the internet.

Links

Today’s link from the shrink is:

Experimental Theology: A Meditation on Mental Illness and Metaphor

I have been a big fan of Richard Beck’s blog for a long time and there may be hundreds of posts he’s made that I could recommend. But, if you are on my website, you must be interested in issues pertaining to mental health. Therefore I will point you to a bit he wrote about the iconoclastic views of Thomas Szasz, a critic of the disease model of mental illness.

If you like this article and subscribe to Experimental Theology, be prepared to receive several posts a week in your inbox. Some will be about psychology, because Beck is a psychologist; some will be about theology, because he also has a fresh, thoughtful take on what we say about God; some will report on his prison ministry, because he never seems to stop. Whatever you read, you can be sure that you will never look at things the same way again.

Clink here to go to the Experimental Theology website.

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“Do you take my insurance?”

This is the most frequently asked question when people make their first phone call to set up an appointment to see me for counseling. It seems like a simple question, but it’s not.

When you ask if I “take” your insurance, I suspect you’re asking whether I am a member of your insurance company’s network of providers. Membership has its advantages to you. If I am, as they say, “in network”, then, except for your copay and deductible, I can bill them directly and you don’t have to deal with the rigmarole of submitting claims.

I’ve applied to be “in network” for every insurance network I ever heard of. They all ask the same questions about my qualifications. Most of them have told me that they have enough providers already, but they’ll keep my application on file.

The real issue is not whether I “take” your insurance; the issue is whether your insurance “takes” me.

Despite having been turned away by so many because they think there are enough counselors, I am currently in the networks of Excellus, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, Value Options, Beacon, MVP, Emblem Health, and GHI. I usually can “take” those insurances.

Usually?

It gets complicated.

Gone are the days when you could say the name of your insurance company, and a counselor could tell you if he or she “takes” that insurance.

Many insurance companies these days contract with other companies to administer the mental health portion of their policies. Some of them contract with more than one other company. In order to answer your question, I need to know which company your insurance company contracted with for your particular plan.

It might say on your card; might.

Value Options is one of those companies that contract with other companies to administer the mental health portion of their policies. If you have Blue Cross/Blue Shield, MVP, or a host of others, your plan might actually be covered by Value Options. If that’s the case, then, hurray, I’m “in network” for you. However, some Blue Cross/Blue Shield and MVP plans are associated with other companies.

Oy, gevalt.

If you call me, the only thing I can do is look it up to tell you. I’ll need your name, ID number, and date of birth.

If I’m “out of network”, the insurance company may be willing to reimburse you for some portion of our sessions, but you would pay a larger portion of my bill than you would if you saw someone “in network”. You would have to submit a claim to them after paying me. Their willingness to pay anything depends on the individual plan that your employer selected. You can call them up and ask if you reach a real person.

A good portion of the people who call me decide that they will see me anyway on a self-pay basis. I charge $95 a session. Maybe they just want to get on with counseling. Maybe they’re just grateful that I, a human being, answered the phone. Maybe driving their customers to self-pay is what the insurance company is hoping for when they make it so difficult to access care.

Here’s another thing that determines whether I “take” your insurance. You have to have an approved, diagnosable mental health condition for insurance to pay and I have to tell them what it is.

Many people call a counselor for problems that have nothing to do with a bona fide mental health condition. They have marital problems, or are thinking about a career change, or they have anger management problems that may or may not be associated with anything diagnosable. If that is the case, then I can definitely help you, but you’re out of luck when it comes to your insurance paying for it, whether I am “in network” or not.

There are definite advantages to NOT using insurance to pay for counseling. I’ve had some people elect to pay for it themselves, even though I do “take” their insurance. They’d rather no one know they’re seeing a counselor; they don’t want the insurance company dictating their care; or they don’t want their trouble cast in terms of a mental health problem. These can be excellent reasons to self-pay.

In summary, the devil is in the details. Sometimes, little words, innocently used, obscure a whole platoon of devils. Just that little word, “take”, hides the mess insurance companies make. Call me and we can figure it out, together.

I’m Teaching a Class: Relationships

  • Aug_28-relationshipsWednesday, August 28th | 7:00-9:00pm | Why Relationships Go Bad and What You Can Do About It

When conflicts arise, many couples wonder if they really belong together. Don’t be discouraged, it’s never too late to create the loving relationship you want. What’s usually missing is information and skills not acquired in everyday life. Once you have them and put them to use, wonderful things can happen.

The class will be a mixture of instruction and discussion. It is not necessary to have or bring a partner. You will not be obligated to share.

At the Rochester Brainery

274 N. Goodman St (inside Village Gate)

Suite B134
Rochester, NY 14607

Click here to register

Phone: 585.730.7034

E-mail: info@rochesterbrainery.com

The Shrink’s Links: Joy Whack-a-Mole

Bringing you the best of mental health and relationship articles on the internet.

Links

Today’s link from the shrink is:

Joy Whack-a-Mole

 

Deal with good news swiftly and efficiently by playing Joy Whack-a-Mole with your friends and family. In this clip, Maria Bamford, shows you how it’s done. There is even a solitaire version for when you are alone!

Joy Whack-a-Mole

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The Shrink’s Links: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Bringing you the best of mental health and relationship articles on the internet.

Links

Today’s link from the shrink is:

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

It is possible to predict the long-term success or failure of a relationship with 94% accuracy by watching the first three minutes of a couple having a discussion about a conflict. Just watch and listen for the four horsemen of the apocalypse: marriage researcher, John Gottman’s name for four potentially destructive communication styles. Look out for criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

Today’s link is to Gottman’s blog where he begins a series about the four horsemen. Click here to read it. Navigate to newer posts to read more.

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The Shrink’s Links: How to be an Introvert

Bringing you the best of mental health and relationship articles on the internet.

Links

Today’s link from the shrink is:

Skin Deep

Psychotherapist, Martha Crawford, writes about being an introvert:

Non-intimate social events and groups can make my skin crawl and my feet itchy. Any chatty, surface engagement requires that I set aside significant recovery time afterward. It is depleting enough for me to take part in these processes that unless I calibrate my exposure, I can become fatigued, burdened, impatient, and plain old cranky due to the amount of energy it takes for me compensate for my inherent nature. I end up spending all my fuel and taking in little – because I only truly refuel in private and personal spaces.

Click here to read more

Some Things You May Not Know About Your Self: You never really know yourself until you die

The younger a person is, I have found, the more they think they know themselves. They can be heard, saying things like, “I’m not like this, I’m like that… I never… I always… my personality is…”

They limit themselves this way.  That’s what I did.

The older I get, the more I surprise myself. I find myself doing things I never thought I could.

I’ve taken up many things later in life, never knowing that I would like them, never knowing I would be any good at it.

Ten years ago, I never played tennis. I thought it was an effete sport, with fussy clothes, and incomprehensible scoring. Watching it gave me a pain in the neck. Servile ball boys scurried around and tried to make themselves disappear. Then, one day, I played it with my nephew. I could barely hit the ball, but I had fun. I took lessons. Now I play twice a week and hit the ball well. I even figured out how to keep score. Much of the time, I win.

I like that there are things I might still discover. It gives me some options.

Why do we think we know ourselves before we do?

It happens this way:

A boy grows up with an older brother who always beats him at basketball.

Despite the fact that the older brother is older, bigger, and stronger, the boy assumes that he is not good at athletics because he always loses at basketball.

Because all siblings find their niche, the boy becomes a bookworm. He excels at school.

The boy grows up to go to Harvard because he thought he was good at school. There, he plays Ultimate Frisbee in Harvard Square between classes. Because he is not playing with his older brother, but other bookworms, he discovers he’s a good athlete.

He goes home for vacation and, for the first time in years, he plays his older brother at basketball. He beats him.

We come to conclusions about ourselves by comparing ourselves with others. How we think about ourselves depends on who we compare ourselves to, who we meet, who we get to know.

Each new person we meet, each new situation we are in, brings out a new part of us. When we limit ourselves, we never meet any new people, we never try new things. The more we think we know ourselves, the more we don’t.