Counselor, Author, and Reflective Eclectic
In the peculiar land of shrinks, evidence-based therapy is a phrase we use a lot. It’s supposed to refer to therapy that’s backed by scientific evidence. But what they call evidence-based therapy is not evidence-based therapy. It’s a term for a standardized, manualized, commoditized therapy protocol. It’s not necessarily the best therapy for you.Continue reading →
No matter how much you love your loved one, you also hate him; no matter how much you depend on him, you can’t completely trust him. This, surprisingly, turns out to be a good thing; not a confusing, frustrating thing, as you might suppose. Continue reading →
As a therapist, I could’ve had a specialty; but I wouldn’t be the kind of therapist I am.
I did some post grad work in family therapy and some more in substance abuse. I sought for ways to address the desire my clients had to quit using tobacco back in the days when few others were doing so. I ran therapy groups for sex offenders. For more than thirty years I had a caseload full of victims of trauma, depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorder. I sought clients with borderline personality disorder, when most thought they were untreatable. I could have specialized in any one of these conditions and turned away clients without them, but I’ve always resisted specializing in anything.
This is why.
If you’ve ever watched a person walk a dog, you’ve seen a good illustration of your mind at work. You have two minds: one is like the dog, the other like the dog walker.
If you’ve ever watched a person walk a dog, you’ve seen a good illustration of your mind at work. You have two minds: one is like the dog, the other like the dog walker. Continue reading →
If you’re ever struggling with a feeling, try to put it in words. Words will reduce the feeling to a manageable intensity. It’s a magic trick they do. But watch out; words will trick you, too. Continue reading →
We live in remarkable times. For decades, heterosexuals have been fleeing the institution of marriage; first, by divorcing in great numbers, then, by living together outside of marriage and by delaying it to later in life. At the same time, homosexuals have won the right to marry. They understand the benefits of committing yourself to someone, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live. Go figure.
Now that seems to be settled, despite the deep social and political conflict and polarizing culture wars of the past few decades, I would like to float a proposal.
Marriage rights for singles. Continue reading →
In 1968 the Sunday Times announced they would give a prize to the first person to sail around the world, non-stop, alone. The newspaper would make a mint, covering the race. The prize they would give to one out of many who risked their lives, would be a relative pittance. The result was tragedy and a salty adventure tale that illustrates a choice we all make, even us landlubbers.Continue reading “Will the Madness of the World Make You Mad?”
You know what rose colored glasses are, right? People who are said to be wearing rose colored glasses are said to be seeing the world as only pleasant and happy. We scoff at people wearing rose colored glasses. They are naive, sanguine, and overly optimistic. But glasses come in all colors. They all distort your perception.
It’s important to know what color your glasses are, so that you know how you are misperceiving the world and the impact you have on it. The glasses you wear change both how you see the world and how the world sees you. Continue reading →
A man I talked to the other day seldom looked me in the eye. His gestures were not in rhythm with the things he was saying. At times, he skipped half the words in a sentence. Once, he disappeared entirely and went on talking as if we were still together. He seemed oblivious to many things I said to him. His face froze. Reactions were delayed. Was this a bizarre psychotic I was talking to? An individual with autism? Someone with something to hide? No, it was just an ordinary day in an extraordinary time of social distancing. It was what’s called a psychotherapy session thanks to the wonders of telehealth technology.
I’ve got to assume I was just as peculiar to him as he was to me. Continue reading →
You learn a lot quicker from negative experiences than you do from positive ones. The stick is more damaging than the carrot is enticing. There’s a good reason for that. If you get whacked hard enough by the stick, it won’t matter how many carrots you have. But the result is that you will continuously look for bad news, zero in on the negativity, and lose sight of the big picture. You take for granted all the blessings you have, are ignorant of your resources, and blind to grace.
When people come in for counseling, they can often see all their problems very clearly. They can talk for hours about the terrible things that happened to them, the effect the problems have on them, and why they can’t change. They make the same mistakes over and over again and believe that, if only they could feel badly enough about themselves, they would do differently. They don’t. Heaping guilt upon themselves and reproaching others does nothing other than burden them with guilt and anger, it does nothing to free them.Continue reading “Cook the Negativity”
Keith Wilson - Counseling