While you’re at it, while you’re acknowledging the exact nature of your wrongs, don’t forget one wrong you might’ve committed that is so central that it may overshadow all others and be key to this whole business of reconciliation. Broken promises. Embedded in every wrong is a broken promise; a promise either declared or implied,Continue reading “Broken Promises”
Tag Archives: Reconciliation
Admit the Exact Nature of the Wrong
Now I’m going to talk about an essential part of the process of going from wrong to reconciliation, a part that many people, incredibly, try to pass over. What is this indispensable but neglected component? Identifying what you did wrong. People often want to pass right over this part to get to forgiveness, to argueContinue reading “Admit the Exact Nature of the Wrong”
Beware of the Fundamental Attribution Error
The old lady ahead of you falls. You think she’s too weak to get around without a walker until you trip over the same bad spot in the sidewalk. You watch Jeopardy and try to come up with the questions for Alex Trebek’s answers. Alex Trebek seems to be smarter than you.
Guilt and Shame: Good and Bad Ways to Feel Bad
As soon as you see how you are responsible for trouble, you are met by two emotions who offer to be your guide: guilt and shame. Which one should you go with? Is there a difference between the two? It’s easy to confuse guilt with shame. People refer to them interchangeably, like twins who areContinue reading “Guilt and Shame: Good and Bad Ways to Feel Bad”
Regaining Trust
Two people go to the bank. One has a good credit score, the other a bad one. One is clearly more creditworthy, or trustworthy, than the other, based on past behavior. One paid his loans on time, the other sometimes defaulted. These two see the same banker and ask her for a loan. You mayContinue reading “Regaining Trust”
What’s the Difference Between Responsibility and Blame?
Not everything is your fault. In fact, most things are not your fault; you had nothing to do with them. You didn’t ask to be born to these people or at this time or this place, at least so far as we know. You didn’t invent the language you speak. You didn’t have a choiceContinue reading “What’s the Difference Between Responsibility and Blame?”
Your Feelings are Your Feelings
What does it mean to cross the watershed and identify yourself as both offender and victim? It means that you go through the same process of guilt, acknowledgement of shortcomings, restitution, and reconciliation as the person who hurt you.
When You Arrive at a Watershed Moment, Cross It
We’re at a watershed moment on the Road to Reconciliation. It’s a crucial juncture where you go from thinking you’re just a victim to knowing that you’re a perpetrator, at least a partial perpetrator. You can admit you’ve victimized others, including the one who hurt you. It’s the moment you get real. It’s when youContinue reading “When You Arrive at a Watershed Moment, Cross It”
Emotions: Do You Have a Choice?
Anger, fear, sadness, hopelessness, joy, hope, gratitude, back to anger, fear, and sadness, in no particular order and sometimes all together, at once. When your relationship is in trouble, you’re on an emotional roller coaster. Let’s take a step away and look at what emotions are and what, if anything, we can do about them.
What Can’t Be Hurt
If you were hurt by someone you love, it’s important to get real about the injury and account for all the damages inflicted: the common money the compulsive gambler spent, the trust the adulterer squandered, the confidence the abusive parent wrecked. It’s equally important to note the damages that were not done, the parts ofContinue reading “What Can’t Be Hurt”
Keith Wilson - Counseling 