The world may have been created out of nothing, out of a nameless void, they say; but since then, anything that has happened has arisen out of something else. We call this context. If you want to come to some peace over something that has happened to you, then see the context from which itContinue reading “The Road to Reconciliation: See the Context”
Tag Archives: Love
The Road to Reconciliation: How to Re-Traumatize Yourself
First, a bad thing happens. Rape, murder, combat, abuse. You don’t have a lot of control over it. That’s the point. Something happens way, way out of your control. You barely make it. Now you’re left with the memories. That’s the trauma. Second, the memories come up. You don’t have a lot of control overContinue reading “The Road to Reconciliation: How to Re-Traumatize Yourself”
The Shrink’s Links: Constructive Conflict
Bringing you the best of mental health every week. My book, Constructive Conflict, has just been published in print and in Kindle. Conflict in relationships is inevitable. If you haven’t had a conflict yet, you haven’t been paying attention. Communication increases conflict. If you haven’t had a conflict yet, you haven’t really been talking. ConflictContinue reading “The Shrink’s Links: Constructive Conflict”
The Road to Reconciliation: Don’t be Stupid
The addiction, the madness, the lying, the cheating, and the selfishness have just done too much damage. Your relationship has been crippled and you’re not sure whether it will ever be the same again. You’ve heard enough apologies. You’ve forgiven too much. You can’t forget all the things that have happened. You’ve decided to hardenContinue reading “The Road to Reconciliation: Don’t be Stupid”
The Shrink’s Links: 75 Ways To Add Variety
Bringing you the best of mental health every week. Many couples say that, after a few years, it’s easy to get in a rut with your partner, sex-wise. You think you know each other, backwards and forwards, and have tried everything. Chances are, you’re wrong. There’s something you haven’t thought of. Or, maybe you haveContinue reading “The Shrink’s Links: 75 Ways To Add Variety”
The Road to Reconciliation: Protect Yourself
You’re never going to come to peace with the awful things that have happened if they are still happening, nor should you. The most important thing in the process of coming to terms with the things that have happened is to protect yourself. Maybe your partner has stopped doing that thing that hurt you: drinking,Continue reading “The Road to Reconciliation: Protect Yourself”
The Road to Reconciliation: Commit to Values
Once you get in touch with your feelings and allow them to speak to you, they can point you to what is important. They’ll remind you of aspirations you’ve had since you were small. They’ll indicate the direction towards life satisfaction. They’ll give instructions for a meaningful life. To the extent you’ve been victimized, yourContinue reading “The Road to Reconciliation: Commit to Values”
The Road to Reconciliation: Honor your Feelings
If you’re the victim, you take the first step towards repair by honoring your feelings. You’ve been putting up with a lot. This relationship is not what you thought it would be. There have been lots of problems; but, you say, there are problems in every relationship. You have to take the good with theContinue reading “The Road to Reconciliation: Honor your Feelings”
The Road to Reconciliation: Cheap Pardon
Most of what passes for forgiveness is actually a cut-rate imitation, an easy, breezy amnesty that you extend, not because it’s earned, but because you don’t want to deal with it. It preserves the connection you have with the person who offended you. You don’t have to fight, express your feelings, or watch anyone squirm.Continue reading “The Road to Reconciliation: Cheap Pardon”
The Road to Reconciliation
You’re wounded and angry. Someone close to you, who should be loving you, hurt you instead. You don’t know what to do. Should you stay or should you go? Put up with the shit, or give it right back to him? Retaliate or bury your feelings? If neither choice seems very good, it’s because neitherContinue reading “The Road to Reconciliation”
Keith Wilson - Counseling 