Making direct amends can be difficult, but necessary, when the harmed party is looking for it, and rewarding when you do it well. The payoff is reconciliation. But not everyone you have harmed is all set to forgive you. Some are gone, many don’t know they were harmed, and a lot don’t want anything toContinue reading “How Do You Make Amends When You Can’t Make Amends?”
Tag Archives: forgiveness
Making Amends is Better than Making Apologies
No one is interested in your apologies, unless you back them up with a change in behavior. Making amends repairs the damage; making apologies is only a promise to repair the damage. One is action; the other, words. One will cost you something; it might even bring about a transformation. The other is as cheapContinue reading “Making Amends is Better than Making Apologies”
Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty
Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty about something you’ve done. Even if what you did was not wrong, even if it was justified and every court in the land would agree; if you feel guilty, then OK, go ahead and accept it. Guilt is a guide. You can’t travel in aContinue reading “Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty”
The Effects of your Actions
Once you have written your statement of responsibility, you’re ready for the next step: imagining the effects of your actions.
Broken Promises
While you’re at it, while you’re acknowledging the exact nature of your wrongs, don’t forget one wrong you might’ve committed that is so central that it may overshadow all others and be key to this whole business of reconciliation. Broken promises. Embedded in every wrong is a broken promise; a promise either declared or implied,Continue reading “Broken Promises”
Admit the Exact Nature of the Wrong
Now I’m going to talk about an essential part of the process of going from wrong to reconciliation, a part that many people, incredibly, try to pass over. What is this indispensable but neglected component? Identifying what you did wrong. People often want to pass right over this part to get to forgiveness, to argueContinue reading “Admit the Exact Nature of the Wrong”
Emotions: Do You Have a Choice?
Anger, fear, sadness, hopelessness, joy, hope, gratitude, back to anger, fear, and sadness, in no particular order and sometimes all together, at once. When your relationship is in trouble, you’re on an emotional roller coaster. Let’s take a step away and look at what emotions are and what, if anything, we can do about them.
What Can’t Be Hurt
If you were hurt by someone you love, it’s important to get real about the injury and account for all the damages inflicted: the common money the compulsive gambler spent, the trust the adulterer squandered, the confidence the abusive parent wrecked. It’s equally important to note the damages that were not done, the parts ofContinue reading “What Can’t Be Hurt”
Has the Hurt Ended?
The wind stopped blowing and the sky looks nice, but, if this is a hurricane, you may be passing through the eye of the storm. The earthquake has struck, but watch for aftershocks. You’ve had a minor stroke, but is a major one coming along? If your loved one did something to hurt you andContinue reading “Has the Hurt Ended?”
Assessing the Damage
If you were in a car accident and sued the person at fault, you would go to court and describe the accident to establish culpability, of course; but, at some point, the judge would ask you what it cost to fix your car. The judge is asking for a monetary figure so she can fixContinue reading “Assessing the Damage”
Keith Wilson - Counseling 