Tag Archives: Relationships

10 Ways to Screw Up an Apology

If you’ve decided you can’t apologize to the person you hurt because it would hurt him more, then go with God. If you’ve decided you can’t apologize to the person you hurt because it would hurt you more, then see you in Hell. But, if you’ve decided you will apologize to the person you hurtContinue reading “10 Ways to Screw Up an Apology”

Confession to a Neutral Party

Once you have written your statement of responsibility for wronging someone, it’s time to put the show on the road. The essence of taking responsibility is to declare it to someone. It makes no sense to take responsibility in such a way that nobody hears it. When this particular tree falls in the forest, ifContinue reading “Confession to a Neutral Party”

If You Want People to Listen to You, Stop Talking

You know the type: the type of person I call a fire hose. This is the person who, as soon as he thinks he has your ear, lets loose a flood of words without regard to the give and take that is found in normal conversation. If you’re a political activist, you might have aContinue reading “If You Want People to Listen to You, Stop Talking”

How Do You Make Amends When You Can’t Make Amends?

Making direct amends can be difficult, but necessary, when the harmed party is looking for it, and rewarding when you do it well. The payoff is reconciliation. But not everyone you have harmed is all set to forgive you. Some are gone, many don’t know they were harmed, and a lot don’t want anything toContinue reading “How Do You Make Amends When You Can’t Make Amends?”

Building Walls

When people change from being non-engaged politically to becoming activists, the first thing they do hinders everything they try to accomplish afterwards. They rally like-minded people to their cause and build a wall. This renders their activism less effective and obstructs the exercise of statecraft.

Making Amends is Better than Making Apologies

No one is interested in your apologies, unless you back them up with a change in behavior. Making amends repairs the damage; making apologies is only a promise to repair the damage. One is action; the other, words. One will cost you something; it might even bring about a transformation. The other is as cheapContinue reading “Making Amends is Better than Making Apologies”

Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty

Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty about something you’ve done. Even if what you did was not wrong, even if it was justified and every court in the land would agree; if you feel guilty, then OK, go ahead and accept it. Guilt is a guide. You can’t travel in aContinue reading “Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of feeling guilty”