Disgust

If you need to be convinced that the feeling of disgust is a peculiarly powerful and primitive emotion, try this experiment. Get a clean glass. Spit in it. Now drink it.

Even if you can drink the spit, you know what I’m talking about. You know there’s nothing wrong with the spit. You swallow your own spit all the time; but, by expelling it from your body, you make it an object of disgust, and disgust is not only powerful and primitive, it’s also unreasonable. Continue reading →

The Gumbo of Grief

Forget the stages, forget the “correct” order. Grief is more like a gumbo than a Powerpoint presentation

These days, no one can shed a tear without someone mentioning the five stages of grief. I’m convinced that when people sit with the bereft, they bring up the stages just so that they can have something to say. Anything is better than the delusional denial, the bitter anger, the useless bargains, the hopeless dejection, and the maudlin acceptance that grievers come up with. Anything is better than the silence of the dead. Continue reading →

What Color Are Your Glasses?

You know what rose colored glasses are, right? People who are said to be wearing rose colored glasses are said to be seeing the world as only pleasant and happy. We scoff at people wearing rose colored glasses. They are naive, sanguine, and overly optimistic. But, glasses come in all colors. They all distort your perception. Continue reading →

How I Made Peace With My Inner Critic

And saw him for who he really is

As a writer and a shrink, I’m intimately familiar with the inner critic, both my own and others’. You might expect us to be natural enemies. Most of my clients come to me complaining about their inner critics and asking me to silence them. If only they didn’t have this voice in their head constantly demeaning them, they would be happier than they are.

I would caution you from taking up arms too quickly against your inner critic, much less enlisting a therapist in the battle. You already have one critic; you would not be better off with a second. One’s already criticizing you for everything you do, the second would end up criticizing the first for being too critical. They will not get along. Continue reading →