Grudge

Suppose you’re angry on Tuesday because someone stole from you on Monday. On Wednesday that person returned what he stole, compensated you for the inconvenience, apologized, and credibly promised never to do it again. If you’re still angry on Thursday, you are said to be holding a grudge. Plenty of people say grudges should beContinue reading “Grudge”

Envy

Envy is not a rare feeling, but it’s a rarely acknowledged one. No one likes to admit they’re envious. Instead, they’ll call it some other feeling: anger, injustice, resentment, sadness, hurt, puzzled, lonely, bored, or jealous, among others. But, if you have ever been unhappy that someone had something you don’t, you were envious; admitContinue reading “Envy”

Frustration

A lot of feelings will draw your attention elsewhere where your attention doesn’t do you any good. The feeling of frustration is this way. When you’re feeling frustrated, your attention is on the object of your frustration when it should be on yourself. You’re trying to be on time for an appointment and two elderlyContinue reading “Frustration”

What Anger Really Says

I once facilitated a therapy group for perpetrators of domestic violence. The group was made up of men who had gotten in trouble with the law and were ordered by the court to attend. These men were not happy to be there. It was our unenviable duty to teach them that violence is not necessary.Continue reading “What Anger Really Says”

When Madness Takes Cover

So, you’ve stopped drinking, or drugging, or gambling, or sleeping around. Your depression seems to have lifted. You haven’t been violent. Your anxiety no longer makes all the decisions. You’re up in the morning and dressed when you need to be. The madness seems to have gone away. Has it, really? Madness takes cover sometimesContinue reading “When Madness Takes Cover”

The What Anger Says Series: Why Anger Does Not Need to be Managed

I get calls all the time from people wanting help with anger management. I offer to meet with them. I help them the best I can. Let me tell you a secret: I don’t believe it’s anger that needs to be managed. People call it anger management because that’s the name for it, but whatContinue reading “The What Anger Says Series: Why Anger Does Not Need to be Managed”