Have You Been Groomed?

It’s bad enough to contemplate that someone who should have loved you, hurt you instead; but if you want to prevent it from happening again, there’s something even worse to think about. He might have groomed you to be a victim. By groomed, I mean the process that an offender uses to prepare you toContinue reading “Have You Been Groomed?”

Research on How to Make an Effective Apology

I didn’t see this research until after I completed my book, The Road to Reconciliation, so I couldn’t include it; but I’m happy to report that the findings support what I said about how to make and screw up an apology. Most people screw them up. In Apologies of the Rich and Famous: Cultural, Cognitive,Continue reading “Research on How to Make an Effective Apology”

What Breathing Can Teach Us About Relationships

Sometimes people have trouble grasping what it means to let go. If that’s the case, I have metaphors. Lots of metaphors. Here’s another one. Letting go is as simple as breathing; exhaling, to be precise. The entire breathing cycle can be seen as a metaphor of relationships. You start off in need. You have desires.Continue reading “What Breathing Can Teach Us About Relationships”

The Dance of Relationship: A Guide to the Positions

  When we think about love, we may picture something like this #1. This position is called Turning Towards. You’re facing each other, open to each other, and paying attention to no one but each other. You may be touching. You might believe this is the most desirable of the positions, but it’s very intense.Continue reading “The Dance of Relationship: A Guide to the Positions”

When You Need Your Space

Some days, you just need your space. The trouble is, your partner is there, too, and if you try to get some space, they may take it personally. You don’t want to get into a long discussion over why you need your space when you need your space. It may not be good to getContinue reading “When You Need Your Space”

Love: The Prisoner’s Dilemma

I can guess how this sounds, but love relationships remind me of the Prisoner’s Dilemma. Two conspirators are arrested and brought into separate interview rooms. They are both given the opportunity to turn state’s witness against the other. The one that takes the deal goes free, and the other gets ten years. If both confess,Continue reading “Love: The Prisoner’s Dilemma”

The People of the Mind

As if it wasn’t hard enough to deal with the people who hurt you, you also have to deal with their representatives you carry around in your head. Actual people you can divorce, send to jail, move across the country and never see again; the people of the mind follow you, they share your bedContinue reading “The People of the Mind”

The Re-Negotiated Relationship

Once you’re in a relationship with someone, you’ll always be in a relationship with that person. It’s like the Hotel California, you can never leave. I don’t care if you never speak to her again, if you move to the other side of the world, and put up a dartboard with her face on it;Continue reading “The Re-Negotiated Relationship”