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Hedy Yumi, an Israeli therapist, living in Washington DC, specializes in working with couples who are ready to make amends after an affair. If you’re ready, you could schedule an eighteen hour session with her, over two days, and get it done. The thing is, you’ve got to be ready. If you’re the one who had the affair, you can’t still be dodging and ducking. If you’re feeling victimized by the affair, you’ve got to be ready to let go of vindictiveness. In other words, this is only for couples who have already done all the work involved in reconciliation, but need a powerful, emotional, corrective experience to set them on a new track.
Fluent in six languages, Hedy is a master of the metaphors of English. For instance, just take a look at her Ten Commandments for Committed Loving Relationships; jam-packed with powerful images and good advice.
1 – Honor the Bridge: There is an invisible bridge that connects us to our partner, and this bridge allows us to visit them, and get to know them and “learn” them. Become bi-lingual by learning the language of your partner.
2 – Honor the Space: Our relationship lives in the “relational space” between us. It is like a garden whose soil we are tending. The space between us is the playground of our children. Keep the space sacred.
3 – Honor the Laboratory: Our relationship is a small “living laboratory” where two grownups, who are little children on the inside, can help each other become two mature adults. Carry a picture of your partner as a little child in your wallet.
4 – Honor the Differences: Do remember that “incompatibility” is a boost to your relationship! When two people are the same….one of them is superfluous. Embrace the differences.
5 – Honor the “Other”: Transform your point of view from: “The two of us are one…. and I’m the one!”, or “The two of us are one….and you are the one!” to “The two of us are two!” Each one of us is a unique individual on a joint journey towards relational maturity. Learn to become intelligent “in” your relationship.
6 – Honor the Safe Harbor: Create a safe harbor for your partner because when things are difficult, growth is trying to happen. Conflict is a friend! Whenever there is a conflict say: “A Conflict! What an opportunity!”
7 – Honor the Romance: Keep the fire going through romance: All day is foreplay. Gift your partner with at least 100 small gestures of love and caring every day. And remember to keep your relationship flourishing. There is a “Five to One” ratio of appreciations to criticisms.
8 – Honor the Gift of Frustrations: There is a 90-10 formula in any conflict: 10% of the energy of the current frustration comes from the present, and 90% of the frustration comes from the past, which is still buried. “The Past is a silent voter in your apparent Present.” Frustrations are gifts to liberate us from the shackles of our past.
9 – Honor your Dreams: Put your “wildest dreams” on the horizon because “Energy follows Attention.” When we dream alone it is just a dream. When we dream together it is the beginning of a new reality. Create a “joint vision” for your relationship. Providence will provide unexpected serendipities and gifts to realize your dreams.
10 – Honor the Silence of the Soul: Take time each day to just look at each other in silence, holding your eye contact softly, holding hands gently, breathing together, and letting yourselves feel that there is “All the Time in the World” just to be together, and that “All is Well.”One thing Hedy is not good at and makes no pretension of being good at, is joining with clients. You don’t go to see her to be understood or to get something off your chest. You should get that out of your system before you make the appointment. Go to see her because you and your partner are tired of living the way you’ve been living and are willing to be immersed in a new way of thinking. Her way. A session with Hedy must be like jumping into a rushing river and letting the current take you so far downstream you may never be able to find your way back to that horrible place again.
Keith R Wilson 