Relationships, part 65: Can It, Should It, Be Saved?

Should you be in this relationship to begin with? Related questions are: Is it worth it to work so hard to save a relationship? Aren’t some beyond help? Might it be better to scrap it and start over somewhere else? What if you sacrifice everything to save your relationship, admit your faults, learn to listen,Continue reading “Relationships, part 65: Can It, Should It, Be Saved?”

When Illness Takes Over: How to be a Sentry

  When illness takes over a relationship, it takes hard work to eradicate the intruder and eternal vigilance to keep it away. Relapse can be expected. When we are talking about addiction, it takes an average of seven real attempts before recovery feels solid and, even then, you won’t know if he’s going to needContinue reading “When Illness Takes Over: How to be a Sentry”

The Shrink’s Links: Long Distance Relationships

Bringing you the best of mental health every week. Bringing you the best of mental health every week. Here’s something I bet you didn’t know, I didn’t. Despite what many people believe, research shows: • Couples in long distance relationships do not break up at any greater rate than more traditional, geographically close, couples. •Continue reading “The Shrink’s Links: Long Distance Relationships”

The Shrink’s Links: Car Talk

I was grieved to have learned that Tom Magliozzi, the co-host of Car Talk, recently died. I remember him for his marital advice, as much as I do for what he taught me about cars. Here’s a bit of his wisdom: I have my own law of marriage. It is more important to be happyContinue reading “The Shrink’s Links: Car Talk”

The Shrink’s Links: Mating in Captivity

Bringing you the best of mental health every week. Mating in Captivity A few weeks ago, I brought you her Ted Talk, which I had first discovered. I was so taken by the hypothesis she presented that I went out and bought her book, Mating in Captivity. I was not disappointed. Why does sexual desireContinue reading “The Shrink’s Links: Mating in Captivity”

The Shrink’s Links: The Secret to Desire in Long Term Relationships

Bringing you the best of mental health and relationship articles on the internet. Today’s link from the shrink is: The Secret to Desire in Long Term Relationships In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on twoContinue reading “The Shrink’s Links: The Secret to Desire in Long Term Relationships”

Relationships, Part 29: Collusion versus Collaboration

Not all associations are collaborative. Some associations have no shared goals. Others form a collusion. Collaboration involves working together for mutual benefit; collusion permits people to escape their responsibilities and avoid difficult issues. One party agrees to look the other way in exchange for the other doing the same. The wife who fakes orgasm soContinue reading “Relationships, Part 29: Collusion versus Collaboration”

Relationships, Part 28: Collaboration

We could accomplish so much more together than we ever can individually, but often we don’t. Alliances fall apart. At the heart of every productive human connection is collaboration: an implicit or explicit agreement to cooperate with one another and work towards shared goals. Collaboration is found in all human relationships: sports teams, work groups,Continue reading “Relationships, Part 28: Collaboration”

Relationships, Part 27: Open to Influence

What do you suppose is the most common factor influencing divorce? Infidelity? Poor communication? Abuse? Irreconcilable differences? Lack of commitment? These are the reasons most often given by divorced couples. Marrying early in life? Living together before marriage? Premarital pregnancy? Having no religion? Coming from a divorced household? These are the demographic factors that predictContinue reading “Relationships, Part 27: Open to Influence”

Relationships, Part 26: Positive or Negative Sentiment Override

If you dislike someone, the way they hold their fork may make you furious. If you like them, they can turn their plate over in your lap and you’ll overlook it. Happy couples are a little bit brainwashed about their partners. They admire each other, even if there’s little to admire. They love how theyContinue reading “Relationships, Part 26: Positive or Negative Sentiment Override”