Part 7g of Meeting the Voices in My Head and Searching for an Inner Adult
The Rebel regards my Feelings as entirely within the concept it has of myself, so it doesn’t have much of a problem with them; with one exception, the feeling of Shame. As far as the Rebel is concerned, Shame is a turncoat that’s gone to work for the enemy.
Shame, as we saw, is a feeling that comes up when I’m at risk of being rejected by important others. Its job is to keep me in compliance with their expectations or bring me back in their good graces if I take a misstep. Shame is also the one thing that’s best able to check my other feelings from running amok. The Simulated Others employ Shame to enforce their dictates. This is what makes the Rebel say Shame is a traitor.
I need to have something that opposes Shame, or Shame will run amok. Before the Rebel developed, all I had that would check Shame were the Firefighters and the Fuck-Its. Firefighters, like the rage I feel towards my shamers, destroy as much as they save. The Fuck-Its just toss me into despair. The Rebel may destroy the old order, but it’s not a Firefighter. It’s more like a wrecking crew, which tears something down, so something can be built in its place.
As important as it is, the Rebel lacks the skills and the position to be able to build anything himself. You can’t build a thing without the help of others. A different kind of internal leader is needed, one that can arbitrate between the parts that favor individuation.
If you have been following this series, this is as far as I got before I completely scrapped this version of Meeting the Voices in My Head. I’m working on a new version, what I hope is a better approach to the topic. Stay tuned if you would like to see what I do.