Relationships, Part 4: Hugging till Relaxed

Try this exercise at home with your partner. Hug her until you are both relaxed.

When do people normally end a hug? Sometimes a social alarm goes off in their heads and tells them that if they held an embrace too long, the other one would get the wrong idea. Sometimes you hug until you get tense; it gets awkward, or you get horny, or you can’t breathe.

In this exercise, if you are tense, or get tense, continue hugging until you get relaxed.

This is how you do it. Stand on your own feet. Don’t lean on your partner or she won’t be relaxed.

Put your arms around your partner, not too tight, not too loose. You have to be able to breathe. Figure out where to put your noses.

Two minutes like this can seem like an eternity, but don’t stop when you are tense. Don’t stop until you are relaxed.

It’s best to focus on yourself, relaxing yourself, not relaxing your partner. When you get relaxed, your partner can relax. You’re not holding each other. You’re centering yourself while you and your partner have your arms around each other.

All the issues you and your partner have will emerge in this exercise. Who dominates? Who submits? Who initiates? Who  makes who adapt? This is your chance to work out these issues, but hold onto yourself as you do and everything will be OK.

Hug until relaxed.

Click here to go to the entire Relationships series.

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Published by Keith R Wilson

I'm a licensed mental health counselor and certified alcohol and substance abuse counselor in private practice with more than 30 years experience. My newest book is The Road to Reconciliation: A Comprehensive Guide to Peace When Relationships Go Bad. I recently published a workbook connected to it titled, How to Make an Apology You’ll Never Have to Make Again. I also have another self help book, Constructive Conflict: Building Something Good Out of All Those Arguments. I’ve also published two novels, a satire of the mental health field: Fate’s Janitors: Mopping Up Madness at a Mental Health Clinic, and Intersections , which takes readers on a road trip with a suicidal therapist. If you prefer your reading in easily digestible bits, with or without with pictures, I have created a Twitter account @theshrinkslinks. MyFacebook page is called Keith R Wilson – Author.

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